How NOT to Be That Annoying Couple at the Gym

couple at gym
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Sure, working out together is fun -- and good for your health! But if you show up in matching headbands, we have a problem…. Here are six couple faux pas to avoid at the gym.
  1. The Sexy Stretchers

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    Watching these guys "stretch" is uncomfortable to say the least. Their whole routine looks like a warm-up for some seriously kinky stuff. These aren't your standard toe touches and calf raises. We're talking moves that are straight out of a Kama Sutra book. Unless you're Sting and Trudie, we don't want to see you two bending each other every which way. Okay, we don't even want to see Sting and Trudie bending like that. Save the fitness foreplay for the privacy of your own home, folks.

  2. Tag Teamers

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    This twosome needs a serious lesson in gym etiquette. Rather than fend for themselves and abide by the first-come, first-served policy like everyone else, they work the power of two, taking turns on the elliptical and using their towels and water bottles to reserve machines for each other in order to bypass the line. Listen: Coupledom may entitle you to tax breaks and better insurance rates, but it doesn't entitle you to cut the treadmill line. It's every man for himself when you hit the gym, especially at prime time, so if we catch you using your relationship status to deal with the peak-hour crowds, we're going to tattle on you to the manager.

  3. The Speidi Wannabes

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    These two love to hang out in their trendy workout gear (she's in cleavage- and tush-enhancing spandex, and he's in one of those two-piece track suits, in case you needed a visual). They hop from machine to machine too quickly to break a sweat, use the weight room as an excuse to check themselves out in the mirror and take frequent trips to the water fountain together (of course) -- though we're not sure why, since they haven’t even raised their heart rate a teeny bit. Sweating, after all, might compromise his gel-hardened coif, and it would certainly send her running to the bathroom to touch up her makeup. Like everyone’s favorite couple, Speidi (that would be Heidi and Spencer, formerly of The Hills, for those of you who don't share our trash tabloid addiction), this pair lives to pose and assumes that the rest of us live to watch them. News flash: We're just fine without Speidi (where have they gone, anyway?), and we'll be just fine without you. Stop prancing around and do a crunch or something on the floor -- you're blocking our view of the TV.

  4. The Iron Couple

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    These two are always training for something -- a 10K run this weekend, a triathlon next month, a marathon this summer -- and completing an Ironman together would be their dream come true. We'd be impressed by their fitness drive, except, like the girl from middle school who sat waving her hand in the front row, these two are way too loud and proud. They're always sporting race T-shirts commemorating everything they've ever finished (10K for Autism Awareness, Race for the Cure, the Fresh Air Fund's get the picture). And while we think it's great that they're using their athletic abilities for a good cause, we don't see why they have to rub it in our faces. For some of us, just making it to the gym is hard enough. But these gym rats always need to give it their all. They push each other to go harder, trying to outlast each other on the treadmill ("I'm on mile eight -- how about you?"), out-pedal each other in spin class ("Pedal faster, baaaabbbbbby!") and out-bend each other in yoga class ("I can hold salamba sirsasana [translation: headstand] all day, so feel free to retreat to child's pose at any time"). Look, we get that a little friendly competition can provide great motivation, but you're making us all feel like slackers. So race each other through the park, on the slopes or anywhere else we can't hear you. But when you're in our Pilates class or on the bike next to us, keep your competition to yourselves.

  5. The Grunters

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    This iron-pumping, spandex-sporting duo struts around the weight room like they own the place. Or maybe their muscles are so large that they just look like they're strutting. Regardless, we're staying out of their way. You'd be a fool to mess with this duo. She could probably flatten your head between her butt cheeks, and he looks like he might turn into the Incredible Hulk in an instant. (So, um, you might want to let him go first on the bench press -- just sayin!) Okay, so they're super-fit -- which is awesome. But could they just keep it down? Seriously, if you can't lift it without gritting your teeth and sounding like you're giving birth, it may be too heavy.

  6. The Color Coordinators

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    Sorry guys, but it's never okay to wear matching outfits to the gym. No exceptions. It's not okay to wear matching outfits outside the gym, so there's really no excuse to do it inside. You aren't two-year-old twins or someone's pet dogs. We don't care if you scored an amazing two-for-one deal at Lululemon, or if you just happen to own matching shorts and you both just happened to put them on this morning. Change.