A lovers' spat is one drama you should not save for your mama (or your pals). If you head straight for the phone after a fight to bitch to anyone who will listen, it's time to break the habit. Here's why.
So your pattern goes something like this: Fight it out. Reach for phone. Spill your guts. Sure, all your friends and relatives would totally wear “Team [insert your name here]!” T-shirts with pride. But broadcasting a blowup can backfire in more ways than one. Here are six common tiffs, who you blab to about them, and how to resist the urge to dish.
The Fight: He’s not looking hard enough for a job
The Sounding Board: Your parents
Before: You would go to your parents to complain because you knew they’d back you up on this. After all, they were the ones who gave you such a strong work ethic. Plus, maybe they’ll feel bad and spring for that hot new Coach bag you want (but can’t exactly afford at the moment).
After: You see that going on and on about the dirty details concerning the (non) progress of your guy’s job hunt may unnecessarily worry your parents that their daughter is broke and unhappy. It may be a relief for you to vent, but you’re opening the door for unwanted prying later on.
The Fight: He spent a huge amount of money without telling you
The Sounding Board: Your coworker
Before: You couldn’t concentrate on the spreadsheet in front of you -- much less resist complaining over your cubicle wall.
After: You think ahead and realize that going on and on about a pricey item will probably have your colleague wondering just how much is in your paycheck that made this wild splurge even possible.
The Fight: She got pissed because you came home late from a party
The Sounding Board: Your guy friends
Before: You knew your best friends would completely understand since their partners must be equally as pissed as yours.
After: You realize other significant others might not be PO’d, and if that’s the case then now yours looks bad. Worse, if you openly stress about your significant other’s reaction, the guys will think that you’re whipped -- and you’ll have to deal with that every time you go to a happy hour, golf outing, or poker night. Trust us: Your buddies will be checking their watches and making jokes.
The Fight: He wants sex constantly
The Sounding Board: Your BFF
Before: You would wonder if you’re normal -- and simply had to find out how often your friend has sex (and how good it is).
After: You consider his feelings on the matter. He could be embarrassed that you don’t crave sex as much as he does, never mind that you’ve been telling your friend about what’s going on. The last thing you want is for your friend’s partner to make a joking comment to yours that reveals just how much you’ve shared.
The Fight: She never cleans up after herself
The Sounding Board: Her mother
Before: You figured if there’s anyone who can set her straight, it’s her mom.
After: You are wise enough to understand that...this is her kid! She might be insulted that you’re suggesting that she raised some kind of slob. Or she could just think you’re being a nag (is it really so bad that she leaves her sports bra on the bathroom floor?) and instead of giving you backup, she’ll side with her daughter.
The Fight: She just isn’t ready to have kids yet
The Sounding Board: Your sister
Before: You would simply assume that your pregnant sister would be able to explain what your significant other must think, and why her biological clock isn’t ticking.
After: You know that unless you want your partner to feel left out, or worse, alienated, you can’t pick up that phone anymore. Feeling ready for kids is personal, and the last thing she needs is judgment (and pressure) from your family.