Sex Q&A: I can't orgasm. Is it all in my head?

couple having problems in bed
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I orgasm fairly easily during masturbation and oral sex, but I've never been able to climax during penetration. Is this a physical thing or a mental thing?


First, realize that you're not alone. Around 70 percent of women who can orgasm in other ways have difficulty reaching orgasm during penetrative sex. Physically, a woman needs the right type of stimulation of her clitoral region to reach full orgasm. It can also be a mental thing, though, where a woman simply finds it hard to "let go" during full penetrative sex. And, of course, it can be a combination of both.

Think through these possibilities and how they apply to you. Perhaps your husband gives you exactly the right friction and pressure you need during oral sex to make you climax, and when you masturbate, you also know how to bring yourself to orgasm. Take this knowledge into penetrative sex. It may be that you need to slightly alter a position, or try completely new positions.

Or it may mean you want to introduce your or his hand to your clitoral region while you're having penetrative sex. With this added manual stimulation, you may reach climax. Alternatively, you might slip a vibrator between you to give you clitoral pleasure while you continue to have penetrative sex. Just be sure to let your husband know you want to sex-periment!

Nestpert Dr. Pam Spurr, author of Make Love All Night & Talk to Him in the Morning and Naughty Tricks and Sexy Tips: A Couple's Guide to Uninhibited Sexual Pleasure

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