Sex Q&A: Why is our sex life already dwindling? Help!

unhappy couple in bed
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My husband and I used to have sex every day, maybe several times a day. Now I'm lucky if we make love twice a month. Is it normal for sex drives to decrease after the wedding?


This happens to 99 percent of couples. When two people first meet, they're fizzing with sexual chemistry and energy. But after time, a couple would burn out if they kept up this hot sexual pace. Even if both people agree they'd like more sex, most people fall into a sexual routine. And they feel daunted wondering how they can initiate new things. Because, let's face it, once you start doing the same sex position every Saturday night, you get into the mindset that this is all you can come up with.

Then there's comfort. Men in particular tend to find that regular sex at a predictable time is comfortable. The once rampant stud seems to disappear in the comfort of the married relationship. Comfortable sex is great, but when men get too comfortable, they forget that even a small bit of effort will make their wife feel special and desirable again.

So it's time to talk with your husband without making it seem threatening. Approach it from the angle that you'd like to do more of X, Y, or Z, rather than saying that you don't get enough of X, Y, or Z. Next, introduce small changes. If you tend to have sex, say, once every couple of weeks on a Sunday morning, seduce him on a Friday night...with a new position. If you think he's game, experiment with a toy.

Nestpert Dr. Pam Spurr, author of Make Love All Night & Talk to Him in the Morning and Naughty Tricks and Sexy Tips: A Couple's Guide to Uninhibited Sexual Pleasure